Psalms of lament: "How long, Lord?"

"How are you?" "I'm fine." We say it all the time. But "I'm fine" can mean a lot of things: leave me alone, I don't want to talk about it, or I'm not, but I don't want to be a burden.

When feelings get heavy, people do all sorts of things with them. Bottle them up. Blow up. Scroll them away. Stay busy. Vent to friends. Just push through. Some of those help for a while; some make things worse in the long run. The Bible offers another option that many people have never heard of. It's called lament, and God put a whole lot of it in his book.

What you'll learn

• What lament is, and why it's an act of faith, not a lack of it
• The four-part shape of a lament, using Psalm 13
• How Psalm 42 shows someone talking back to their own feelings in the dark

What is lament?

A lament is a prayer that brings pain, confusion or protest to God. Roughly a third of the psalms are laments, more than any other kind. God put more sad songs than happy songs in his people's songbook.

Lament isn't grumbling (complaining about God to other people). It isn't despair (giving up on God). It's complaining to God, which means you still believe he's there and that he cares.

"Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts before Him. God is our refuge. Selah" (Psalm 62:8)

The shape of lament: Psalm 13

Psalm 13 is short, honest and raw. It follows a four-part shape that many laments share:

"How long, O LORD? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me? How long must I wrestle in my soul, with sorrow in my heart each day? How long will my enemy dominate me?" (Psalm 13:1–2)

Notice that the complaint points in three directions: at God (he seems to be hiding), at himself (sorrow, day after day) and at others (an enemy who seems to be winning). And notice the question "How long?", asked four times. Waiting is one of the hardest parts of pain.

Then comes the turn:

"But I have trusted in Your loving devotion; my heart will rejoice in Your salvation. I will sing to the LORD, for He has been good to me." (Psalm 13:5–6)

Here's the surprising thing: nothing in the psalm says the problem has been solved. The turn is a choice, not a change of circumstances. David chooses to trust God's "loving devotion" (in Hebrew, hesed: faithful, covenant love that doesn't let go).

Talking back to your soul: Psalm 42

Psalm 42 was written by one of the "sons of Korah", a family of temple musicians. The writer used to lead crowds in worship, but now he's far away, cut off, and people mock him by asking, "Where is your God?" He describes how he feels in vivid pictures: a deer desperate for water, tears instead of food, memories of better days, waves crashing over him.

"As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul longs after You, O God. My soul thirsts for God, the living God. When shall I come and appear in God’s presence?" (Psalm 42:1–2)

Then comes a refrain he repeats:

"Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why the unease within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him for the salvation of His presence." (Psalm 42:5)

There are two voices here. The preacher Martyn Lloyd-Jones pointed out the difference between listening to yourself and talking to yourself. Our feelings speak to us all the time: "You're alone." "It'll never change." The psalmist doesn't pretend those feelings aren't there. But he answers back with the truth about God.

Three things are worth noticing:

• The refrain comes three times (Psalm 42:5, 42:11 and 43:5). Hope isn't a once-off decision. The feelings come back, and he chooses hope again. That's normal, not failure.
• The praise is still in the future. He doesn't feel like praising yet. He hopes he will again.
• The Bible makes room for even darker prayers. Psalm 88 has no happy turn at all; it ends in darkness. God still put it in his book.

Psalm 42 was written by someone who loved God and was deeply down. Christians don't have to pretend to be happy all the time. And sadness, anxiety or depression are not signs of weak faith. They're real, and getting help from a counsellor, doctor or psychologist is wise and good, alongside prayer.

Key words

• Lament: a prayer that brings pain, confusion or protest honestly to God.
• Psalm: a song or poem in the Bible's songbook, the book of Psalms.
• Refrain: a line or verse that is repeated, like a chorus.
• Hesed: God's loyal, faithful, covenant love that doesn't let go.
• Despair: giving up hope completely.

How this points to Jesus

Jesus lamented too. In the garden of Gethsemane, the night before he died, he told his friends his soul was overwhelmed with sorrow, close to death (Mark 14:34), words that echo Psalms 42–43. Then he fell to the ground and prayed honestly to his Father. Hebrews 5:7 says he cried out to God with tears. Jesus doesn't stand at a distance from our pain. And because he rose again, lament has a destination: one day God will wipe away every tear (Revelation 21:4).

Think about it

Take it further

Try writing your own lament using the four parts: turn to God, say what's wrong, ask him to act, and finish with "But I will..." It can be about your own life, a friend who's struggling, or something happening in the world. If you're not sure about God, you could write an honest letter to God "if he's listening". It's just for you. Your worksheet gives you space to do this.

If you're carrying something heavy, you don't have to carry it alone: talk to a trusted adult, your school counsellor or chaplain, or call Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800 (in an emergency, call 000).

If you'd like to, you could pray: Lord, thank you that I don't have to pretend with you. Hear me when I'm hurting. When my feelings shout, help me hope in you. Amen.