Loving your enemies

Someone leaves a mean comment on your post. What usually happens next? You reply with something meaner. They screenshot it and share it. You start a rumour about them. Their friends leave you out. It spills into the classroom. Parents get involved. Each step goes one higher, like a revenge staircase.

Where does it stop? Revenge always feels like the last word, but it never is. Somebody always takes the next step up. Earlier this term we saw the extraordinary forgiveness of the families of the 21. This lesson is about the everyday version: the people at school, online or at home who make your life hard. And Jesus offers a way off the staircase.

What you'll learn

• What Jesus and Paul mean by loving your enemies, and what it does not mean
• Why Christians can leave revenge to God without pretending wrong doesn't matter
• How loving enemies flows from the way God loved us

Jesus' command

"But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous." (Matthew 5:44–45)

The Old Testament law said to love your neighbour (Leviticus 19:18). The idea that you should hate your enemy was a popular add-on, not God's command. Jesus stretches "neighbour" to include the enemy.

Notice what kind of love this is. It's action and prayer, not warm feelings. You can pray for someone you can't yet like. Praying for the person who hurt you is often the hardest place to start, and the best.

And notice the reason Jesus gives: God himself. He sends sun and rain on good and evil people alike. His kindness isn't limited to people who deserve it, and his children are meant to look like him. Loving people who love you back is normal; everyone does that (Matthew 5:46–47). Jesus' followers are meant to be noticeably different.

What it is, and what it isn't

Loving your enemy is easy to misunderstand. Here's what it isn't:

• It isn't a feeling. You don't have to feel warmly towards them. Love is chosen action and prayer; feelings may follow later, or may not.
• It isn't staying silent about bullying or abuse. God gives authorities to restrain evil (Romans 13:3–4). Telling a trusted adult protects you, protects others and can even help the person doing wrong. Loving an enemy never means staying in a harmful situation.
• It isn't pretending it was okay. Christians are told to hate what is evil (Romans 12:9). The families of the 21 forgave the killers, not the act.
• It isn't trusting them again straight away. Forgiveness can be given quickly, but trust is rebuilt slowly.

And here's what it is: praying for them by name, refusing to pay them back even when you could, and wanting good things for them, including that they would know God.

Loving your enemy is not being a doormat. It's refusing to let their evil turn you into someone like them.

Paul's playbook

Paul wrote to Christians in Rome, a city where, within a few years, believers would face terrible persecution under Emperor Nero. In Romans 12:14–21 he gives a whole list of instructions: bless those who persecute you, don't repay evil for evil, live at peace with everyone as far as it depends on you, feed your enemy if he's hungry. Then the key:

"Do not avenge yourselves, beloved, but leave room for God’s wrath. For it is written: ‘Vengeance is Mine; I will repay, says the Lord.’" (Romans 12:19)

Leaving room for God's anger is not saying wrong doesn't matter. It's saying wrong matters so much that God himself will deal with it, perfectly and fairly. You don't have to carry the job of making people pay. That's freedom, not weakness. (Paul's instruction to live at peace as far as it depends on you also admits that peace isn't always possible. You're responsible for your part, not theirs.)

Paul also says that by being kind to your enemy you'll heap "burning coals" on their head (Romans 12:20, quoting Proverbs 25:21–22). Christians understand this picture in different ways: most often as the burning shame that kindness can bring, which may lead someone to change; others as a warning that God will judge those who keep refusing kindness. Either way, the Christian's job is the same: kindness.

"Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." (Romans 12:21)

An Old Testament example. King Saul was hunting David to kill him. One day Saul walked into the very cave where David was hiding. David's men said this was his chance. David crept up and cut off a corner of Saul's robe, and then felt guilty even for that. He refused to harm Saul and left the matter with God (1 Samuel 24:12). David had every reason for revenge, and he stepped off the staircase.

Why? Because God loved his enemies

Christians don't love their enemies to earn God's love. They do it because they have received God's love while they were his enemies.

"For if, when we were enemies of God, we were reconciled to Him through the death of His Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through His life!" (Romans 5:10)

God didn't wait for us to become loveable. Jesus died for us first (Romans 5:8). And on the cross, Jesus prayed for the people killing him (Luke 23:34), doing exactly what he taught. So when a Christian looks at someone who has hurt them, they're looking at someone just like they once were: an enemy God is willing to love.

Key words

• Enemy: anyone who opposes you or hurts you, from a rival at school to someone who has done serious harm.
• Vengeance: paying someone back for a wrong.
• Wrath: God's settled, just anger against evil (not a temper tantrum).
• Reconciled: brought back together after being enemies.

How this points to Jesus

Jesus didn't just teach love for enemies; he lived it all the way to the cross. Christians believe that's how they were rescued: while they were still God's enemies, Jesus died to bring them back. Loving an enemy is simply passing on what you've been given.

Think about it

Take it further

Think of a revenge staircase you've been on, or could be on soon. What would one step down look like, using Romans 12? Privately, think of someone you find hard to love (just their initials, no one else needs to know) and one good thing you could ask God to do for them. If you're not a Christian, think of one good thing you could wish for them.

If someone is really hurting you, please tell a trusted adult. Forgiveness for deep hurts often takes a long time, and it's okay to still be hurt or angry.

A prayer you can pray if you want to:

Father, you loved us when we were your enemies, and Jesus prayed for the people who crucified him. I find this hard. Help me to step off the revenge staircase, to pray for people who hurt me, and to leave justice in your hands. Amen.

Your worksheet helps you list Paul's instructions in Romans 12 and plan a way off the revenge staircase.